Customs & SymbolismEtiquette
Never give a clock: 10 Chinese gift taboos, explained by wordplay
Most of these rules are puns, and the rest are about what an object is used for. Once you know the story, they make sense.
Mandarin has a small number of syllables and a very large number of words, so many words sound alike. Chinese culture has always played with that. Lucky foods, New Year decorations and wedding gifts are full of happy puns. Gift taboos are the same idea in reverse: an object is avoided because its name sounds like something sad.
None of this will get you thrown out of anyone's house. Younger people often laugh about it. But grandparents notice, and a little care goes a long way, especially if you're meeting a partner's family for the first time.
The ten to avoid
A clock
"Giving a clock" is 送钟, which sounds exactly like 送终, to attend someone's deathbed. This is the most famous taboo, and the one most people still take seriously. Watches are usually fine, since the word is different, but many people skip them to be safe.
An umbrella
伞 sounds like 散, to break apart or scatter. Not something to hand a couple or a friend.
Pears, and splitting one
梨 sounds like 离, to leave or part. Sharing a pear, 分梨, sounds like 分离, separation. Pears are fine to eat. They're just not a gift, and you don't cut one in half for someone you love.
Shoes
鞋 sounds like 邪, evil. There's also the idea that shoes help someone walk away from you. Close family often ignores this one.
Knives and scissors
No pun this time. Sharp things suggest cutting off a relationship. This is a shame for anyone who loves cooking, so see the workaround below.
Anything in fours
四 sounds like 死, death. Many buildings in China skip the fourth floor. Give in pairs, sixes or eights instead. Eight, 八, sounds like 发, to prosper.
A fan
扇 is close to 散, scattering. A beautiful painted fan is fine as art, but not as a gift between people you want to stay close to.
Handkerchiefs
Handkerchiefs are for wiping tears, and they were traditionally given at funerals. A gift of one hints at sorrow or a goodbye. In Taiwan the saying is 送巾，断根: give a towel, cut the tie.
Chrysanthemums and white flowers
In China, white and yellow 菊花 are funeral flowers. Bring them to a grave on Qingming, not to a dinner party.
A green hat
To "wear a green hat," 戴绿帽子, means your wife is cheating on you. No man in China wants one, however nice the color.
Colors and wrapping
White and black are traditional mourning colors, so avoid wrapping a gift in plain white or black paper, and never put money in a white envelope. Red is for celebrations, gold suggests wealth, and pink or bright colors are safe for most occasions. Money goes in a red envelope, a 红包, usually in new bills and never in an amount with a four in it.
The workaround: make it a sale
Say your friend really wants a good chef's knife, or you found the perfect clock for your parents' new home. There's a traditional fix. The person receiving the gift pays you a coin for it, so it becomes a purchase instead of a gift. A quarter does the job. Everyone knows it's a formality, and that's the point. It shows you both care enough to play along.
What to bring instead
The same wordplay works in your favor:
- Oranges and tangerines. 橘 is close to 吉, luck, and their color looks like gold. In Cantonese, 桔 and 吉 sound the same (gat1), which is why mandarins are everywhere at a Cantonese New Year. A bag of mandarins is the classic Lunar New Year gift.
- Apples. 苹果 begins with 平, as in 平安, peace and safety. In China people even give wrapped apples on Christmas Eve, which is called "Peaceful Night."
- Good tea, a nice bottle, or fruit for the household. Gifts for the whole family usually go over better than gifts for one person.
- Things in pairs. Two bottles, two boxes, a pair of cups. "Good things come in pairs" (好事成双) is a common blessing.
Giving and receiving
- Offer and accept gifts with both hands.
- Don't be surprised if your gift is politely refused once or twice before it's accepted. That's modesty, not rejection. Offer again.
- Older people often don't open a gift in front of you. Opening it later is the polite way, so the giver is never embarrassed.
Does anyone still believe this?
Most people who follow these rules don't think a clock will actually kill anyone. It's just bad manners to wish someone harm, even by accident.
Ask your grandparents
Bring these to your next call or visit. Write down what they say, in their words.
- Which of these rules did your family actually follow? Which ones did you think were silly?
- What was the best gift you ever received, and who gave it to you?
- What did people bring when they visited for New Year when you were young?
- Has anyone ever given you a clock or a pear by mistake? What did you do?